The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford. Amy Schumer More Quotes by Amy Schumer More Quotes From Amy Schumer I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value. Amy Schumer shock dark say-anything I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless. Amy Schumer fearless fire hot I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that. Amy Schumer working-really-hard years thinking I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard. Amy Schumer hard work-out healthy I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be. Amy Schumer mad skins should I only wear heels when it's 100-percent required, and even sometimes not then. I have to talk myself into a bra. I've done an hour of standup where I've been like, "I don't have to wear a bra tonight." If you're going to be on camera, you have to get it together, but other than that, I am pretty lazy as a woman. Amy Schumer lazy cameras together I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about. Amy Schumer embarrassed done people I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album! Amy Schumer albums play song I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion. Amy Schumer girl mom mother I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations. Amy Schumer disarming conversation people I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all. Amy Schumer vets competition might Comedy isn't really something where you get discovered. You can't network your way to being funny or talented. It's not hard to get seen if you're funny. If you're funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere. Amy Schumer comedy hard-work way You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom. Amy Schumer south mom shows You know what they say: 'Once you go black, your parents don't talk to you anymore. Amy Schumer black parent knows Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up. Amy Schumer lifts glamour force The truth is, whoever I've dated, if I've ever wanted to talk about them on stage, I've asked them first, and I've gotten their permission to tell a story or talk about them before I do it. Amy Schumer truth-is stories firsts I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started. Amy Schumer jokes proud stills I completely identify as female, believe it or not. Amy Schumer female believe Some street jokes are just timeless. There's an old street joke about comedians. The joke is that a beautiful girl comes up to a comedian at the end of the night and says, "I saw your show tonight, and I just loved it. I want to go home with you, and I'll do anything you want." And the comedian says, "Were you at the 7 or the 9?" That's just a perfect joke, because it points out how egomaniacal and obsessive comedians are. Even though I'm not waiting for a groupie, I can completely understand it. It just defines how comedians are driven. Amy Schumer girl home beautiful Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off limits. If someone's spouse died, or one of their children, I would never joke about that in a Roast situation. I don't have any aspirations towards writing any cancer jokes, and there's some stuff that I think is definitely taboo. Amy Schumer cancer writing children
