There's a turkey shortage. Are you aware of that fact? There's also a gravy shortage. It's up to $4 a gallon. Governor Chris Christie wants to build a gravy pipeline. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can't even get the intern to make me coffee! David Letterman clinton loser coffee You all know Newt Gingrich. Newt is short for Newton. People say if that's the case, what is Mitt short for? It's short for 'Mittens.' David Letterman mittens newton people You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it? David Letterman coffee drinking thinking Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He's trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian. David Letterman white trying america Let me just say this: You know your campaign is not going well when you open a press conference by saying, 'I told you there would be more lewd photos'. David Letterman let-me campaigns would-be Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It's like he was Newt Gingrich. David Letterman osama-bin-laden wife three I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.' David Letterman sweaters talking years Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group. David Letterman groups congratulations success My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money. David Letterman plans retirement funny He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in. David Letterman godly light heart I like Halloween. It gives you a chance to dress up like something you're not, you know? Like when the Miami Dolphins put on football uniforms. David Letterman miami-dolphins halloween football Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance? David Letterman allegiance thunderstorm good-times Happy Birthday to Fay Wray, a wonderful actress. She was, of course, in the movie 'King Kong' and would have been 99-years-old today. She was famous because of her love interest with a giant ape, and, wait a minute, that's Maria Shriver. David Letterman kings waiting years There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: David Letterman annoyed would-be interesting Lesbians have never been more popular. David Letterman John McCain said that Sarah Palin is still a force in the Republican Party. Then he got in his car and backed over his mailbox. David Letterman republican car party Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. David Letterman humorous war funny I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi ... She looks like the nurse who weighs you and then makes you sit alone in your underwear for 20 minutes ... She looks like a real estate agent whose picture you see on the bus stop bench ... She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing ... She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial. David Letterman bus-stops mom real This isn't brain surgery; it's just television. David Letterman surgery brain television Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial. David Letterman guy golf running
