There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. Woody Allen poetanswerslove-is Why ruin a good story with the truth? Woody Allen good-storyruinsstories I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Woody Allen answerslifesex I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet. Woody Allen pocketscrazyheart But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! Woody Allen masturbationentrylinks Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come. Woody Allen toiletsproblempaper Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. Woody Allen falling-in-lovehumorouswitty he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something Woody Allen humorousstupidwitty I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No. Woody Allen crazygirlfunny I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes. Woody Allen idolizedclothescommon You can learn technological things, you can learn about specific things, but the real problems that people deal with in any subject, existential subjects or romantic subjects, you never learn anything. So you make a fool of yourself when you're 20, you make a fool of yourself at 40, at 60 at 80. The ancient Greeks were dealing with these problems. They screwed up all the time. People do now. Woody Allen greekrealpeople Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen lovefunnysex If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Woody Allen hipsterlaughterlife My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign Woody Allen benignwifeinspiration I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers Woody Allen quakerinspirationpersons Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen moviehumoroussex I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! Woody Allen great-ideatrianglesideas Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. Woody Allen funlifescience Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess. Woody Allen mistakechessheaven Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. Woody Allen humorouschristianwitty
