They say there's nothing more American than grabbing a hot dog, heading to the ballpark, and watching nine guys from the Dominican Republic, ... But you know what, today I learned that was wrong. They had eight Dominicans, and one guy from Irvine, California.

Will Ferrell

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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

marriage love funny

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

ugly hug healing

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

wall jail writing

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more sh... by Will Ferrell

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

rocks fashion stars

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Aren't we all striving to be overpaid for what we do? by Will Ferrell

Aren't we all striving to be overpaid for what we do?

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life by Will Ferrell

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

alcohol real-life real

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and... by Will Ferrell

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

iphone home thinking

I guess destiny isn't the path chosen for us, but the path we cho... by Will Ferrell

I guess destiny isn't the path chosen for us, but the path we chose for ourselves.

given destiny path

No matter how much you screw up your life, you can fix it. by Will Ferrell

No matter how much you screw up your life, you can fix it.

screw-ups screws matter

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato

hate parent baby

I don't know about living on an automatic pilot, but I've had times where I've decided to just test myself and my mettle, and for no good reason other than it's what life is. Even before I was acting, I had, like, one day in high school I decided to just show them my pajamas, just for no good reason.

one-day acting school

Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac. by Will Ferrell

Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.

aphrodisiac powerful grief

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.

that-one-person circles hate

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

dream people world

What’s the point of being bad when there’s nothing good to stop y... by Will Ferrell

What’s the point of being bad when there’s nothing good to stop you?

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how... by Will Ferrell

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

anchorman mean looks

If no-one comes from the future to stop doing it, then how bad of... by Will Ferrell

If no-one comes from the future to stop doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?

Personal philosophy: Clothing optional by Will Ferrell

Personal philosophy: Clothing optional

personal-philosophy clothings philosophy

It's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid. by Will Ferrell

It's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.

getting-laid paid