Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Conan O'Brien More Quotes by Conan O'Brien More Quotes From Conan O'Brien The Republican-controlled House voted to repeal the healthcare bill. If that goes well, they'll see what they can do about this whole 'women voting' thing. Conan O'Brien voting bills house One of the candidates running for governor is a 100-year-old woman. Yeah, the 100-year-old says she'd like to recall Governor Gray Davis, but more importantly, she'd like to recall where she left her teeth. Conan O'Brien teeth running years Arnold Schwarzenegger has hired billionaire Warren Buffett as his senior economic advisor. And not to be outdone Gary Coleman announced his senior economic adviser will be Thurston Howell the Third. Conan O'Brien warren-buffet schwarzenegger senior It was reported today that former Governor Howard Dean raised $14 million dollars in campaign funds mostly over the Internet. Of course, Dean's success could be contributed to his Web site: www.wetboobies. Conan O'Brien dollars campaigns today Howard Dean came in a disappointing third place. Afterwards Dean said 'Iowa is behind me and now I look forward to screaming at voters in New Hampshire.' Conan O'Brien iowa voters looks During last night's Republican debate, Mike Huckabee got a big laugh when he said that Congress has been spending money like John Edwards at a beauty salon. Then Huckabee got an even bigger laugh when he said he's running for president Conan O'Brien running laughing night In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted he has three sexist bones and his spine is homophobic. Conan O'Brien presidential racist body According to new statistics, Pope Francis is the most talked about person on the Internet. And not only that, he has the most viewed profile on Christian Mingle. Conan O'Brien statistics christian religion Texas Governor Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying, 'I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.' In other words, his idea of instilling confidence is by saying, 'Don't worry. I'm not as smart as George W. Bush.' Conan O'Brien smart texas yale People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida. Conan O'Brien vacation florida people MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at least six months. Or as industry experts call it, The Conan. Conan O'Brien six-months experts television Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around. Conan O'Brien egypt powerful country Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want people to stay at home and do nothing, you should turn the Internet back on. Conan O'Brien egypt home people Mexico is offering a $3.8 million reward for information leading to the capture of the escaped billionaire drug lord, El Chapo. Mexico said they'll get the money by borrowing it from El Chapo. Conan O'Brien mexico drug offering Iran is celebrating the nuclear deal. The Iranians are going crazy. They're drinking non-alcoholic champagne and thinking about dancing. That's how excited they are. Conan O'Brien crazy drinking thinking The Obama administration announced a deal with Iran that would prevent the Iranians from making a nuclear weapon. In exchange, we're giving the Iranians Netflix. Conan O'Brien netflix iran giving Presidential candidate Donald Trump had a meeting with Ted Cruz. He said he does not know why he agreed to fly to New York to meet Ted Cruz and then he promised to bring that kind of leadership to the Oval Office. Conan O'Brien presidential office new-york On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they're apologizing all the time. They responded saying, 'Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.' Conan O'Brien apologizing fey israel NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.' Conan O'Brien nbc calling thinking The corporate scandals are getting bigger and bigger. In a speech on Wall Street, President Bush spoke out on corporate responsibility, and he warned executives not to cook the books. Afterwards, Martha Stewart said the correct term was to saute the books. Conan O'Brien wall responsibility book
