Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill. Dave Barry More Quotes by Dave Barry More Quotes From Dave Barry I don't know what you can possibly do for less than $50 to have somebody come in your house. Dave Barry knowshouse You're not allowed to park a truck in your driveway. You're not allowed to work on your house on Sunday. The people who enforce these laws are nuts. After I wrote a column on this, I got I don't know how many letters from Coral Gables homeowners, story after story after story, wonderfully horrible stories. And the venom they felt for their own government! Dave Barry sundaygovernmentlaw You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis. Dave Barry nazipainthouse People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses. Dave Barry governmenthomepeople I grew up in the Southwest Bronx. Father an accountant, mother a schoolteacher. Brother was six years older, which explains why I gobbled crystal meth at 12, smoked hashish at 13, and was shooting smack at 17, which explains how I got Hepatitis C, which was the basis of my first book, which was a humor book about dying. Dave Barry brothermotherfather I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large and fierce and Puerto Rican. You need something. Dave Barry fierceneedsthinking The story you envision as you start out is always a great story; when the facts turn out to be different from, or more complex than, what you expected, your first reaction is always disappointment. That's when you must fight the urge to bend the story to your preconceived notions. First, it's dishonest. And second, in the end, the truth is always the best story. Dave Barry differentfightingdisappointment The whole thing about whether you smoke marijuana or not is so ridiculous. That and whether you protested the Vietnam War. Give me a break. Especially the marijuana thing. Dave Barry marijuanagivingwar I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word. Dave Barry governmentjobsthinking Reporters aren't stupid. We were standing around talking about which of the 900 health-care proposals that nobody's going to accept is that day's hot news. They know how silly that is. But that's what they do. Dave Barry stupidsillytalking There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, "This is stupid." Dave Barry carestupidrooms I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is the one perspective that's almost completely lacking in Washington. Dave Barry governmentstupidthinking I've been to Washington many times over the years for stories, and it always seems remarkably the same. More the same than the rest of the country. It's almost like they dress the same as they did 20 years ago. The same old guys are sitting outside the same dirty, dingy secret offices in the Capitol that you're not allowed to go in. Dave Barry countrydirtyyears I hate to speak for the whole society, but I will. I'm a journalist, it's my job. There's been something of a reaction against political correctness. Needless to say, the government hasn't caught up yet. Dave Barry governmenthatejobs I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much. Dave Barry higher-powerlightningpeople When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, "There you go IRS bashing again." They're always saying that they're just doing their job. Someone I know once said, "You could get another job." Dave Barry irswritingjobs I do some of my best reading while seated in the bathroom. Dave Barry bathroomreading I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are? Dave Barry viewswritingpeople I read "Remembrance of Things Past" in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust. Dave Barry remembrancereadingpast People don't like it when you make fun of a celebrity. When you make fun of a celebrity, you'll hear from really loyal fans of that celebrity. Dave Barry fansfunpeople
