US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed. Roseanne Barr More Quotes by Roseanne Barr More Quotes From Roseanne Barr When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying. Roseanne Barr comediandadwatches Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature. Roseanne Barr swimmingemotionalrunning The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that. Roseanne Barr marriedbabykids After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. Roseanne Barr hollywoodtonightappearance I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. Roseanne Barr easierwritingtelevision Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never get out of the house. I stay home all the time. I never do anything fun 'cause I'm a housewife. I hate the word "housewife." I prefer to be called "domestic goddess. Roseanne Barr marriagehatefun This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself. Roseanne Barr wifehusbandthinking A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut. Roseanne Barr good-manguymen Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life. Roseanne Barr calmkindmeditation I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before. Roseanne Barr ridiculoushate Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. Roseanne Barr bednightkids I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous. Roseanne Barr dealssatanwanted You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps. Roseanne Barr dreammenyears You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right. Roseanne Barr get-bettertryinginspirational I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver. Roseanne Barr problem-solversproblem I was completely nuts for most of my life. Roseanne Barr nuts I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear. Roseanne Barr resiliencechildhoodstress I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. Roseanne Barr hateearthkids The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over. ... I cared the most. Roseanne Barr whitewinningsuccess There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind. Roseanne Barr sanitydarknessmind
