We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe. Lewis Black More Quotes by Lewis Black More Quotes From Lewis Black Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation Lewis Black turns dawn eating You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win. Lewis Black stupid winning You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm doing, or post a photo. Lewis Black endless living-my-life people The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable. Lewis Black valentines-day holiday years If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist. Lewis Black compare one-woman ifs Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise. Lewis Black theater exercise writing My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty. Lewis Black mother teacher father You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long. Lewis Black hanukkah long thinking sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers Lewis Black care prayer doe When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don't have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are. Lewis Black giving school thinking When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is. Lewis Black horrible reason thinking I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape. Lewis Black shapes ideas thinking I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation. Lewis Black basketball college football I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked. Lewis Black golf father kids I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else. Lewis Black touring new-york thinking What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group. Lewis Black nice careers skills The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die. Lewis Black couches generations want It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler! Lewis Black mustache mother play No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life. Lewis Black college mother mean My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation. Lewis Black yale drama school
