We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes From Marshall B. Rosenberg Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs. Marshall B. Rosenberg giving-up communication mean When it comes to giving advice, never do so unless you've first received a request in writing, signed by a lawyer. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication writing giving Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs. Marshall B. Rosenberg wake-up communication needs My ultimate goal is to spend as many of my moments in life as I can in that world that the poet Rumi talks about, 'a place beyond rightness and wrongness. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication goal world I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say. Marshall B. Rosenberg response communication worry I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I'm in a different world. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication people thinking All human actions are an attempt to meet needs. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication action needs Intellectual understanding blocks empathy. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy block understanding Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward, everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation, everybody pays for. Marshall B. Rosenberg punishment communication people If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger. Marshall B. Rosenberg divorce communication responsibility Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena. Worldwide, NVC is used to mediate disputes and conflicts at all levels. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication political people In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the other. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication twenties long Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships. Marshall B. Rosenberg ignorance revenge people When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity. Marshall B. Rosenberg common-humanity feelings needs Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment. Marshall B. Rosenberg punishment communication pain Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication pain waiting Get very clear about the kind of world we would like and then start living that way. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication way world Let’s shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking. Marshall B. Rosenberg consciousness shining light Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication fun mean You'll find people less threatening if you hear what they're needing rather than what they're thinking about you. Marshall B. Rosenberg thinking-about-you threatening people
