We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half. Richard Jeni More Quotes by Richard Jeni More Quotes From Richard Jeni There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life. Richard Jeni romance cameras lying In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five. Richard Jeni winning sleep sex You know what the average person is? Average. Richard Jeni average-person persons average You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong? Richard Jeni what-if belief death It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones! Richard Jeni divorce marriage country In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding. Richard Jeni leisure-activities bleeding new-york I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird! Richard Jeni catholic tree bird Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks. Richard Jeni six sandwiches watches Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year. Richard Jeni eight guy years Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke! Richard Jeni broke happens Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins. Richard Jeni team sports kids Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank. Richard Jeni tanks animal lobster Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.' Richard Jeni guy feet beach
