Were I to put myself on... one of those online dating things, I would not include in my profile that I'm regularly hospitalized for psychosis. But I do know that when I get really bad, there is a place for me to go where I will feel better. Marya Hornbacher More Quotes by Marya Hornbacher More Quotes From Marya Hornbacher I know for a fact that sickness is easier, but health is more interesting. Marya Hornbacher sickness facts interesting And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way. Marya Hornbacher enough way There is, in fact, an incredible freedom in having nothing left to lose. Marya Hornbacher left incredibles facts There is, in the end, the letting go. Marya Hornbacher chaos ends letting-go There's childhood and early onset bipolar, but it transitions in your early adulthood into something a little bit different, and extremely severe. It was at that time that my impulse control just went out the window. Impulse control when you're manic just disappears. Marya Hornbacher impulse-control bipolar childhood We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. Marya Hornbacher eating-disorder anorexia skeletons You can only whine for so long. Then you need to get your life back. Marya Hornbacher long needs When you're teaching creative nonfiction, it helps to have written about your life in a very open way, because you can say, 'Look, how much are you willing to risk emotionally to write? How careful can you be with the other people you're writing about? Marya Hornbacher creative-nonfiction teaching writing The anoretic operates under the astounding illusion that she can escape the flesh, and, by association, the realm of emotions. Marya Hornbacher anorexia association flesh When you are mad, mad like this, you don't know it. Reality is what you see. When what you see shifts, departing from anyone else's reality, it's still reality to you. Marya Hornbacher mad depression reality My god! people say. You have so much self-control! And later: My god. You're so, so sick. When people say this, they turn their heads, you've won your little game. You have proven your thesis that no-body-loves-me-every-body-hates-me, guess-I'll-just-eat-worms. You get to sink back into your hospital bed, shrieking with righteous indignation. See? you get to say. I knew you'd give up on me. I knew you'd leave. Marya Hornbacher giving-up hate suicide It is not a sudden leap from sick to well. It is a slow, strange meander from sick to mostly well. The misconception that eating disorders are a medical disease in the traditional sense is not helpful here. There is no 'cure'. A pill will not fix it, though it may help. Ditto therapy, ditto food, ditto endless support from family and friends. You fix it yourself. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done, and I found myself stronger for doing it. Much stronger. Marya Hornbacher stronger support sick Starvation is incredibly frightening when it finally sets in with a vengeance. And when it does,you are surprised. You hadn't meant this. You say: Wait, not this. And then it sucks you under and you drown. Marya Hornbacher vengeance waiting doe And so I am feeling numb. It's a curious feeling, and I get it all the time. My attention to the world around me disappears, and something starts to hum inside my head. Far off, voices try to bump up against me, but I repel them. My ears fill up with water and I focus on the humming in my head. Marya Hornbacher numbness voice water Madness strips you of memory and leaves you scrabbling around on the floor of your brain for the snatches and snippets of what happened, what was said, and when. Marya Hornbacher madness brain memories Anorexia and bulimia seem to be getting much more common in boys, men, and women of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds; they are also becoming more common in racial groups previously thought to be impervious to the problem. Marya Hornbacher anorexia men boys Hospitalizations in general are blurry. The days are the same, precisely the same. Nothing changes. Life melts down to a simple progression of meals. They become a way of life fairly quickly. You may welcome this transition. It may seem inevitable to you. You have been removed from the world. It is all right, in a way, because there is nothing so sure, so safe, as routine. Marya Hornbacher life-changing transition simple But in some ways, the most significant choices one makes in life are done for reasons that are not all that dramatic, not earth-shaking at all; often enough, the choices we make are, for better or for worse, made by default. Marya Hornbacher choices done earth All of us have theories about the world and about ourselves. We will go to great lengths to prove ourselves right because it keeps the world in our head coherent and understandable. Marya Hornbacher length theory world It's really interesting to me how all of us can experience the exact same event, and yet come away with wildly disparate interpretations of what happened. We each have totally different ideas of what was said, what was intended, and what really took place. Marya Hornbacher different ideas interesting
