Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.

Amy Chua

Categorized in : Children Self Esteem Giving Up

Do you know what a foreign accent is? It's a sign of bravery. by Amy Chua

Do you know what a foreign accent is? It's a sign of bravery.

language bravery courage

My goal as a parent is to prepare you for the future, not to make... by Amy Chua

My goal as a parent is to prepare you for the future, not to make you like me.

like-me parent goal

Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America.

excellence practice america

I once won a second prize in a history concert. My parents came to the ceremony. Somebody else had won the prize for best all-around student. Afterwards my father said to me, 'Never, ever disgrace me like that again.' When I tell my Western friends, they are aghast. But I adore my father. It didn't knock my self-esteem at all.

parent self-esteem father

The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable-even legally actionable-to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, "Hey fatty-lose some weight." By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self image.

daughter mother kids

Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

passion believe children

Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. by Amy Chua

Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything.

parent believe kids

Be modest, be humble, be simple.Make sure you come in first so that you have something to be humble about.

simple humble firsts

Westerners often laud their children as 'talented' or 'gifted', while Asian parents highlight the importance of hard work. And in fact, research performed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that the way parents offer approval affects the way children perform, even the way they feel about themselves.

hard-work parent children

I kind of - I like my life, I feel I have lots of opportunities. And my parents actually having had such high expectations for me - I would say it's the greatest gift that anyone has ever given me. I complained a lot when I was little, but that's how I feel now. And that's why I tried to do the same with my two daughters.

daughter mother opportunity

I think if you're a 'tiger parent' early on, you don't need to be a 'helicopter parent' in high school.

parent school thinking

There's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.

can-do-something confidence building

I do play tennis, but I don't really like competition. I'm supposed to be so intense, but I hate competition.

tennis hate play

We all want to do the right thing for our children. We all don't know what that is and we all - you know, you won't know until the future.

knows want children

All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.

parent children ideas

Genghis Khan decreed religious tolerance for all of his conquered peoples. So I think he definitely would approve of our constitutional protections of freedom of religion. I think he would also approve of the way the U.S. has been able to attract talented people from all over the world.

religious people thinking

Kids raised to be pampered and spoiled don't really end up being good leaders. Leaders need to be independent minded and confident.

independent leader kids

For my senior prom, my father finally said I could go - as long as I was home by 9pm! That was around the time that most people were heading out. When I was little I was so mad at them all the time. Why can't I do this? Why are there so many rules? But looking back now, my parents gave me the foundation to have so many choices in life.

senior home father

There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.

mother believe children

Instilling a sense of self-discipline and focus when the kids are younger makes it so much easier by the time they get into high school.

self kids school