Boris Johnson: What they don't want is friction at the border, they do...

My speaking style was criticised by no less an authority than Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was a low moment, my friends, to have my rhetorical skills denounced by a monosyllabic Austrian cyborg.

Boris Johnson

style moments skills

If gay marriage was OK ... then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog.

Boris Johnson

gay dog men

It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving picaninnies; and one can imagine that Blair, twice victor abroad but enmired at home, is similarly seduced by foreign politeness. They say he is shortly off to the Congo. No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in Watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird.

Boris Johnson

queens cheer fall

Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.

Boris Johnson

bmw voting wife

The only reason I wouldn't go to some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump.

Boris Johnson

risk real new-york

My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it.

Boris Johnson

dessert cake birthday

The difference between Hitler's speeches and Churchill's speeches was that Hitler made you think he could do anything; Churchill made you think you could do anything.

Boris Johnson

speech differences thinking

You know, sometimes I don't understand what's wrong with us. This is just about the most creative and imaginative country on earth—and yet sometimes we just don't seem to have the gumption to exploit our intellectual property. We split the atom, and now we have to get French or Korean scientists to help us build nuclear power stations. We perfected the finest cars on earth—and now Rolls-Royce is in the hands of the Germans. Whatever we invent, from the jet engine to the internet, we find that someone else carts it off and makes a killing from it elsewhere.

Boris Johnson

jet-engines country hands

My ideal world is, we're there, we're in the EU, trying to make it better.

Boris Johnson

ideals trying world

Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It's time for a rethink, and the Tory party - the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth - is where it's happening.

Boris Johnson

drug party earth

We need to look at our nannying, mollycoddled, politically correct culture in my view, which stops kids from going out and playing competitive sport. I also think we need to look at the shear fatness of the regulations which control people who want to help kids play sport.

Boris Johnson

football soccer sports

Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century, and it was called Wiff-waff! And there, I think, you have the difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner; we looked at it an saw an opportunity to play Wiff-waff.

Boris Johnson

play opportunity thinking

In 1904, 20 per cent of journeys were made by bicycle in London. I want to see a figure like that again. If you can't turn the clock back to 1904, what's the point of being a Conservative?

Boris Johnson

london journey want

There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge.

Boris Johnson

cheese middle night

It is possible to have a pretty good life and career being a leech and a parasite in the media world, gadding about from TV studio to TV studio, writing inconsequential pieces and having a good time.

Boris Johnson

good-life media writing

I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.

Boris Johnson

redneck becoming chance

I am supporting David Cameron purely out of cynical self-interest.

Boris Johnson

cynical interest self

Remind me: who was the greater mass murderer, Stalin or Hitler? Well, Stalin is thought to have been responsible for about 50 million deaths, and Hitler for a mere 25 million. What Hitler did in his concentration camps was equalled if not exceeded in foulness by the Soviet gulags, forced starvation and pogroms. What makes the achievements of communist Russia so special and different, that you can simper around in a CCCP T-shirt, while anyone demented enough to wear anything commemorating the Third Reich would be speedily banged away under the 1986 Public Order Act?

Boris Johnson

russia war order

The meat in the sausage has got to be Conservative.

Boris Johnson

conservative sausage meat

I don't believe that economic equality is possible; indeed some measure of inequality is essential for the spirit of envy and keeping up with the Joneses that is, like greed, a valuable spur to economic activity.

Boris Johnson

envy stress believe

What they don't want is friction at the border, they don't want any interruption of the economy. So they're sacrificing all the medium - and long-term gains out of fear of short term disruption, they're terrified of this nonsense. It's all total mumbo jumbo.