When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher Republicans say that sex is bad, because with them it always is. It is!...I'm sorry, but they're just doughy, asexual, wonky, white people, and if you had to have sex with them it would be over in an excruciating three minutes. It's just, - and from the headlines of the past year I gather the only sex they're really good at, is gay sex. Really. Bill Maher gaysorrysex Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that's what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can't get or don't want or aren't any good at sex itself. Bill Maher givingsexpeople I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt? Bill Maher doganimaljobs The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough. Bill Maher funnysexpeople Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool. Bill Maher poolcomedynumbers There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don't get a vote. Bill Maher debatescientistvote Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it." Bill Maher governmentfunnyideas I think religion is a neurological disorder. Bill Maher raciststupidthinking We don't do sensible things. This is America. Bill Maher sensibleamerica Religion is defined as belief in and worship of a controlling power and atheism is precisely not that. Bill Maher atheismbeliefreligion If we go back to the beginning, we shall find that ignorance and fear created the gods; that fancy, enthusiasm, or deceit adorned them; that weakness worships them; that credulity preserves them and that custom, respect and tyranny support them in order to make the blindness of men serve their own interests. If the ignorance of nature gave birth to gods, the knowledge of nature is calculated to destroy them. Bill Maher ignoranceatheistmen That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity. Bill Maher internetcirclesblow I find it ironic that Republicans have such disdain for the lazy, and yet their solution to every problem is do nothing. Their answer to wealth inequality, do nothing. Health care? Do nothing. Climate change? Nothing. Racism? Doesn’t exist. For a group of people so head over heels in love with self-reliance, they sure do recommend a lot of sitting on their ass. Bill Maher racismselfpeople Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need. Bill Maher atheistmenfunny Guys you have way too much invested in sport. Guys you are not the tenth man. You're a machine for turning beer into piss that's what you are! Bill Maher beersportsmen North Carolina right now is going apeshit in a way no state ever has. Take every crazy, angry idea your drunk, right-wing uncle mumbles at Thanksgiving, turn it into a law, and that’s North Carolina today. Bill Maher unclescrazylaw I do miss George Bush. Compared to these teabaggers and the people who are pandering to them, he looks like a professor. Bill Maher missingpeoplelooks Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade? Bill Maher suingbreakhome If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too. Bill Maher checkslordthinking People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine. Bill Maher peopleartthinking
