You can change only what people know, not what they do. Scott Adams More Quotes by Scott Adams More Quotes From Scott Adams I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg. Scott Adams jeeveslegswife In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying. Scott Adams stronglyingsex If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you. Scott Adams pleasemushroomsifs Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait. Scott Adams honestywaitingscience I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life. Scott Adams cartoonistentrepreneurwould-be The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want. Scott Adams sacrificehard-workwant The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller. Scott Adams laughterenergylaughing Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time." Scott Adams tea-leavestarottime Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games. Scott Adams gamesanimalmen Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time. Scott Adams humorlooksfirsts One Dilbert Blog reader noted that current research shows that happiness causes success more than success causes happiness. That makes sense to me. There's plenty of research about people having a baseline of happiness that doesn't vary much with circumstances. And given that happy people are typically optimistic, energetic, and fun to work with, I can see how happiness would lead to success. Scott Adams optimisticfunhappiness Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do. Scott Adams perceptiontruthreality I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess. Scott Adams making-moneyexamplesocial One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck. Scott Adams ideasknowledgethinking I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task. Scott Adams workbelievethinking If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to be successful) it would be the willingness to risk embarrassment. Scott Adams qualityrisksuccess Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ? Scott Adams oddssciencereality Stem cells are like toenail clippings with a better career plan. Scott Adams cellscareersscience If a job's worth doing, it's too hard. Scott Adams ifsworkjobs Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting. Scott Adams clothesfashionbusiness
