You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit. Jen Lancaster More Quotes by Jen Lancaster More Quotes From Jen Lancaster Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord. Jen Lancaster best-efforttinyperfect When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad?" I'm not taking them off." Why not?" I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth. Jen Lancaster makeupmomjobs This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period. Jen Lancaster maybe-tomorrowbrotherfun I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking to the bathroom. Jen Lancaster bathroomrunningbelieve No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning. Jen Lancaster mourningemotionalcapacity I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement. Jen Lancaster excesslazymovement Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his job because I kind of don't like to bend. I also refuse to carry anything heavier than my purse. Jen Lancaster kiss-mekissingjobs The living room is a monument to my impulsive spending habits. I've got more than two hundred DVDs, including cinematic greats such as Monkey Bone, Corkey Romano, and A Night at the Roxbury, leading me to believe not only do I have awful taste in films, but I also have a Chris Kattan fixation. What I don't have is $4000 earing intrest in a money market account. Jen Lancaster dvdsnightbelieve Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people. Jen Lancaster deep-thinkerthinkerpeople I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim) are proof that Jesus loves us. Jen Lancaster religiousmeanjesus I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA. Jen Lancaster ikeashoppingbelieve As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative. Jen Lancaster politicalviewsbook Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment, etc. I doubt we'll ever come to terms on tastes great or less filling and hybrids versus Hummers, and there will always be Yankees fans and Red Sox fans, and never the 'twain shall meet. Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting. Jen Lancaster issuesyankeesgun Over the summer we chatted one night while Angie stripped a bed, changed wet sheets, comforted and repajamaed a toddler, and chased down a car of speeding teenagers while shaking a brick at them, never once interrupting the conversation or setting down her margarita. The only reason this woman isn't president of General Motors is because she's chosen not to be. Jen Lancaster teenagersummernight As I examine my life through this book, I can't help but wonder if my mother was right. Maybe I really was what I ate. And maybe if she'd let me eat a little more sugar, I'd have come out sweeter. Jen Lancaster motherlittlesbook I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian. Jen Lancaster italianhalfblood In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated. Jen Lancaster realmeanpeople Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader. Jen Lancaster stemreaderwriting I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity for women is, 'Oh I want to talk to someone.' But the minute you take what bothers you outside the bond between you and your husband, you let someone else into the relationship and that causes a wedge. Jen Lancaster husbandfightingthinking I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air Jen Lancaster airmindsleep
