You don't have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice. David D. Burns More Quotes by David D. Burns More Quotes From David D. Burns Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault. David D. Burns failure acceptance mistake You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment. David D. Burns moments way thinking The biggest mistake you can make in trying to talk convincingly is to put your highest priority on expressing your ideas and feelings. What most people really want is to be listened to, respected, and understood. The moment people see that they are being understood, they become more motivated to understand your point of view. David D. Burns views mistake ideas Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person. David D. Burns humans perfection fear Surprisingly, it's forgiveness, not guilt, that increases accountability. Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience. David D. Burns responsibility self views After all, this is how you learned how to walk. You didn't just jump up from your crib one day and waltz gracefully across the room. You stumbled and fell on your face and got up and tried again. At what age are you suddenly expected to know everything and never make any more mistakes? If you can love and respect yourself in failure, worlds of adventure and new experiences will open up before you, and your fears will vanish. David D. Burns mistake adventure love Can you predict the future with absolute certainty? Your answer must be no. You have two options: You can either decide to accept yourself as an imperfect human being with limited knowledge and realize that you will at times make mistakes, or you can hate yourself for it. David D. Burns hate mistake two Forgive yourself and be ready to forgive yourself in the future. You're gonna screw up. It's okay. David D. Burns forgive-yourself screw-ups forgiving Every time you feel depressed about something, try to identify a corresponding negative thought you had just prior to and during the depression. Because these thoughts have actually created your bad mood, by learning to restructure them, you can change your mood. David D. Burns bad-mood depression trying Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that when you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel and behave. In other words, if we can learn to think about other people in a more positive and realistic way, it will be far easier to resolve conflicts and develop rewarding personal and professional relationships. David D. Burns people ideas thinking A poor self-image is the magnifying glass that can transform a trivial mistake or an imperfection into an overwhelming symbol of personal defeat. David D. Burns glasses self mistake Practically everybody knows what its like to feel anxious, worried, nervous, afraid, uptight, or panicky. Often, anxiety is just a nuisance, but sometimes it can cripple you and prevent you from doing what you really want with your life. But I have some great news for you: You can change the way you feel. David D. Burns uptight nuisance anxiety If you're self-compassionate, you'll tend to have higher self-esteem than if you're endlessly self-critical. And like high self-esteem - self-compassion is associated with significantly less anxiety and depression, as well as more happiness, optimism, and positive emotions. David D. Burns optimism compassion self-esteem What is the point of abusing yourself with guilt in the first place? If you did make a mistake and act in a hurtful way, your guilt won't reverse your blunder in some magical manner. It won't speed your learning processes so as to reduce the chance you'll make the same mistake in the future. Other people won't love and respect you more because you are feeling guilty and putting yourself down in this manner. Nor will your guilt lead to productive living. So what's the point? David D. Burns mistake feelings people Learn to accept your limits and you'll become a happier person. David D. Burns accepting limits persons It's irrational to assume you can ever truly evaluate yourself as a good or bad human being. You will never have enough information.That "bad person" at work who torments you might be an excellent father to his kids. That other "bad person" at work who screwed up royally today? That error might later lead to a huge breakthrough. We will never have enough info to holistically evaluate a person and score them in totality as "bad" or "good." David D. Burns errors father kids The best way to confront your fears it to stop avoiding the situation you're most afraid of. David D. Burns avoiding situation way Guilt doesn't help. What should fill in for it? Remorse. Remorse is when you feel bad about what you did. Guilt is when you feel bad about who you are. David D. Burns guilt should helping You're not a bad person. But you sometimes do bad things. You know what that makes you? Human. David D. Burns humans persons sometimes Regret has a purpose. It's like the oil light on the dashboard of your life, telling you something needs to be fixed. So fix it. And feel better. David D. Burns regret feel-better light
