You don't have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice. David D. Burns More Quotes by David D. Burns More Quotes From David D. Burns Perfectionism becomes a badge of honor with you playing the part of the suffering hero. David D. Burns honor suffering hero It can be helpful simply to make a written or mental list of the things you do each day. Then give yourself a mental credit for each of them, however small. This will help you focus on what you have done instead of what you haven't gotten around to do. It may sound simplistic, but it works. David D. Burns focus sound giving When two people respect each other, the ability to be vulnerable and to reveal hurt feelings can create a powerful emotional connection that is the source of real intimacy and friendship. David D. Burns powerful real hurt When we're rational about rule-breaking we set a limit. You don't get 30 years in prison for a traffic ticket. But sometimes you sentence yourself to months or years of emotional pain over minor offenses. David D. Burns emotional pain years That's one of the peculiar things about bad moods - we often fool ourselves and create misery by telling ourselves things that simply are not true. David D. Burns bad-mood peculiar stupid Depression has been called the worlds number one public health problem. In fact, depression is so widespread it is considered the common cold of psychiatric disturbances. But there is a grim difference between depression and a cold. Depression can kill you. David D. Burns differences numbers world People who expect to feel guilty tend to be more sympathetic, to put themselves into other people's shoes, to think about the consequences of their behaviour before acting, and to treasure their morals. As a result they are less prone to lie, cheat or behave immorally when they conduct a business deal or spot an opportunity to make money, studies suggest. They are also likely to make better employees because people who think less about the future results of their actions are more likely to be late, to steal or to be rude to clients. David D. Burns opportunity lying thinking More often than not, the belief that you are bad contributes to the "bad" behavior. Change and learning occur most readily when you (a) recognize that an error has occurred and (b) develop a strategy for correcting the problem. An attitude of self-love and relaxation facilitates this, whereas guilt often interferes. David D. Burns behavior-change errors attitude Perfection' is man's ultimate illusion. It simply doesn't exist in the universe.... If you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do. David D. Burns perfection success men Despite their differences, pride, shame, and guilt all activate similar neural circuits, including the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, insula, and the nucleus accumbens. Interestingly, pride is the most powerful of these emotions at triggering activity in these regions - except in the nucleus accumbens, where guilt and shame win out. This explains why it can be so appealing to heap guilt and shame on ourselves - they're activating the brain's reward center. David D. Burns powerful pride winning If a hungry lion suddenly appeared, you'd be terrified. So terrified you'd probably run away. Great, fear's doing its job. But you might get so afraid that you lock up and can't move. This would be very bad. Guilt's the same. It can prevent you from fixing the situation, make you feel so bad you can't function at 100% and even lead to more guilt-provoking bad behavior. David D. Burns running jobs moving Negative thinking patterns can be immensely deceptive and persuasive, and change is rarely easy. But with patience and persistence, I believe that nearly all individuals suffering from depression can improve and experience a sense of joy and self-esteem once again. David D. Burns persistence self-esteem believe Forgiving yourself, not guilt, increases personal accountability. David D. Burns personal-accountability forgiving guilt You're human. You'll screw up. Denying that is crazy. Forgiving yourself has all the benefits of self-esteem without making you a narcissist that's out of touch with reality. David D. Burns crazy self-esteem reality Kindness is the cause of all anxiety. David D. Burns anxiety causes kindness Apologies do make a difference. Believe it or not, research shows people often prefer them over money. David D. Burns apology differences believe Guilt serves a powerful social function in terms of policing our behavior. David D. Burns powerful behavior guilt People who are prone to guilt tend to work harder and perform better than people who are not guilt-prone, and are perceived to be more capable leaders. David D. Burns hard-work leader people Accept yourself. But realize your behaviors can be bad. David D. Burns accepting-yourself realizing behavior Don't apologize for what you think you did wrong. Apologize for what they think you did wrong. David D. Burns apologizing thinking
