You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over. J. B. Smoove More Quotes by J. B. Smoove More Quotes From J. B. Smoove I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me. J. B. Smoove funny-videoschancepeople Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel. J. B. Smoove mothers-daymotherfather Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware? J. B. Smoove tupperwarephonesstuff You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power? J. B. Smoove pantsmotivationtrying Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove. J. B. Smoove dancerhip-hopnames You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity. J. B. Smoove piecesbreadfall You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass. J. B. Smoove assadvantagepeople Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man. J. B. Smoove sometimesmenmean Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living. J. B. Smoove more-timealivetrying You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him? J. B. Smoove chickenstastehouse All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest. J. B. Smoove wellslife-is To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent - that's what a comic has. J. B. Smoove signatureswrestlingmoving I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused the plane to lose pressure, and the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. We felt the plane dropping; the pilot was taking it down to regain cabin pressure. My heart was in my stomach. I found out after landing that her mom was in labor. I did the show and came back to New York. By the time I walked into the hospital, my daughter was being born. She was waiting for me. She's a sweet daddy's girl. She's premed. She has her own pie company. She works for Habitat for Humanity. J. B. Smoove daughtergirlmom At the top of this list has to be "get in that ass". It's the ultimate Leonism to get you through life. J. B. Smoove assultimatelists What happens in improv is you create your own storyline. J. B. Smoove storylinehappens You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple. J. B. Smoove applesiphonemonths I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby. J. B. Smoove suits-and-tiessuitsties Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest. J. B. Smoove ticketsclassfirsts There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts. J. B. Smoove smartbookpeople Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious. J. B. Smoove bootyseriousmight
