You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him. Norm MacDonald More Quotes by Norm MacDonald More Quotes From Norm MacDonald I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières. Norm MacDonald computer enough needs A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves. Norm MacDonald evil men thinking There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed. Norm MacDonald faults men two Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love. Norm MacDonald loving-your-enemies loving-you enemy It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct. Norm MacDonald vain failing complaining With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose. Norm MacDonald suggestions ambitious ambition In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape. Norm MacDonald adversity suffering evil I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then. Norm MacDonald bulls would-be want I think clever people think that poor people are stupid. Norm MacDonald stupid clever thinking I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words. Norm MacDonald strong real ideas I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money. Norm MacDonald acting ambition thinking Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain. Norm MacDonald venture deception people A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit. Norm MacDonald rivals merit practice After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay. Norm MacDonald gay stars inspiration I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them. Norm MacDonald cigarette girl sex Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue. Norm MacDonald owing fortitude shame The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly. Norm MacDonald folly wisdom Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time. Norm MacDonald real sports thinking My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! Norm MacDonald dad funny kids Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form. Norm MacDonald envy form mirrors
