You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words. Milton Berle More Quotes by Milton Berle More Quotes From Milton Berle I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how. Milton Berle kidssexschool Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious. Milton Berle practicelawgiving I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't. Milton Berle christmasmistakegiving She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it. Milton Berle italianchristmassports Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide. Milton Berle christmassuicidekids Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. Milton Berle valentineholidaynice If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street. Milton Berle opportunitydoorslong One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along? Milton Berle wifechristmassong My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here? Milton Berle christmasgivingmen When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!" Milton Berle crazyeducationteacher One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle. Milton Berle uncleseducationteacher For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble. Milton Berle intelligenceteachingeducation This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!" Milton Berle christmassleepmen It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales. Milton Berle christmastomorrowtoday I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands Milton Berle mothertwohands I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman. Milton Berle middlementhinking I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat. Milton Berle wifechristmastwenties It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now! Milton Berle funny-moneymoneyfunny I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working. Milton Berle brotherdreamsleep A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Milton Berle wittyinspirationalfunny
