You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself. Jimmy Fallon More Quotes by Jimmy Fallon More Quotes From Jimmy Fallon After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in its bread that is also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, 'You mean I've been eating a dangerous chemical?' While most people were like, 'You mean I can eat my yoga mat?' Jimmy Fallon yoga mean people A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats. Jimmy Fallon mom mother baby Department store Santas are apparently being trained to lower children's expectations about toys because of the recession. Yeah, it's weird when you ask Santa for a train set and he's like, 'Yeah, how 'bout a bus token? Jimmy Fallon santa expectations children The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack. Jimmy Fallon doritos age men During a recent event at a restaurant called Tommy's Country Ham House in South Carolina, presidential candidate Ben Carson delivered a speech right after he lost his front tooth. Which still left him with more teeth than everyone combined at Tommy's Country Ham House. Jimmy Fallon presidential house country It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running for president. Jimmy Fallon friday running long During a charity boxing match on Friday, Mitt Romney lasted two rounds against Evander Holyfield and raised a million dollars. It was just like Holyfield's fight with Mike Tyson, except Romney chewed off his other ear talking about his 18 grandchildren. Jimmy Fallon grandchildren friday fighting That's right, Mitt Romney took on Evander Holyfield in a boxing match for charity, and it was a pretty one-sided fight. But it was still not the worst boxing match we've seen this month. This weekend Vladimir Putin played in an exhibition hockey game with some former NHL players and scored eight goals. Even Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney said, 'That looks fake.' Jimmy Fallon hockey weekend fighting George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, 'As I like to tell the 'C' students, you too can be president.' Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act. Jimmy Fallon weekend southern president President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.' Jimmy Fallon grandpa welcome president A new poll found that almost 70 percent of voters say that whoever our next president is, they must have political experience. You know, because it would be rude to say 'anyone but Donald Trump.' Jimmy Fallon rude political president President Obama broke a world record after he reached a million followers on Twitter in just five hours. The only guys not following Obama? His Secret Service agents. They lost track months ago. Jimmy Fallon track guy secret This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.' Jimmy Fallon tonight dad morning A man in Georgia was arrested for burglary after he left his Facebook account open on the victim's computer. But this is nice: He's only been in jail a few hours, and his status already says "In a Relationship! Jimmy Fallon jail nice men Whenever I'm stuck in traffic, I can't help but wonder, 'Where did the creator of The Jetsons go, and why hasn't he done something about this?' Jimmy Fallon humor done helping Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs, she now has 25 cats. Jimmy Fallon cat white character Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade. Jimmy Fallon iced-tea tea years Yesterday in Florida, President Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looks good. Which explains why last night, Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One. Jimmy Fallon florida sleep night The Department of Agriculture announced that it will ban six new strains of E. coli. Which explains why the hot dog vendor outside my building is now just selling napkins. Jimmy Fallon agriculture dog hot NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be driven by aliens. Jimmy Fallon space aliens new-york
