Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already.

Eoin Colfer

Categorized in : Running Wine Queens

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

Eoin Colfer

scared would-be clever

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

Eoin Colfer

cds technology museums

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

Eoin Colfer

imagination trouble knows

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Eoin Colfer

confidence cocky humorous

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

Eoin Colfer

hooked over-you reading

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

Eoin Colfer

monkeys optimistic moon

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

Eoin Colfer

bed two kids

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Eoin Colfer

tag names people

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

Eoin Colfer

psychosis crazy personality

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Eoin Colfer

males trying men

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

Eoin Colfer

different men looks

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it. This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.

Eoin Colfer

passion fire thinking

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

Eoin Colfer

who-cares steel looks

There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

Eoin Colfer

happy-endings dying culture

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

Eoin Colfer

middle lasts firsts

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

Eoin Colfer

tunnels gone boys

She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly.

Eoin Colfer

hollies priorities suffering

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

Eoin Colfer

theory-of-evolution dams cheese

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.

Eoin Colfer

wells

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

Eoin Colfer

bliss ignorance sometimes