Red Buttons Professions : Comedian Born : February 5, 1919 Died : July 13, 2006 Browse All Authors Top 97 quotes by Red Buttons When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary. Red Buttons necks people way Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! Red Buttons florida cancer feet Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons nicknames dinner night Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?" Red Buttons brother funny travel King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons tonight wife kings Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner israel children Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner girl mother George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dad father lying Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons mother home running Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner chairs mother Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner lamps wife Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons amelia dinner said Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons maids house robins Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner said George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons john-paul-ii dinner giving John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons sunday morning night Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner queens world Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons venus-de-milo phones mother Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons thrones dinner queens Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinner want firsts Similar Authors Bob Hope comedian Brent Weinbach comedian Buddy Hackett comedian Bruce Baum comedian Brother Theodore comedian Brother Dave Gardner comedian All Authors
