A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'. Garrison Keillor More Quotes by Garrison Keillor More Quotes From Garrison Keillor I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful. Garrison Keillor winning beautiful men I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends. Garrison Keillor verbs circles wind God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with. Garrison Keillor humorists audience I think there's a lot of power in listening to one person talking to you. And this should never be underestimated.One person sitting and talking to you and, you're pulled in, in ways that technology and art and all cannot. Garrison Keillor technology art thinking That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers. Garrison Keillor fighting stranger people A married guy is responsible for everything, no matter what. Women, thanks to their having been oppressed all these years, are blameless, free as birds, and all the dirt they do is the result of premenstrual syndrome or postmenstrual stress or menopause or emotional disempowerment by their fathers or low expectations by their teachers or latent unspoken sexual harassment in the workplace, or some other airy excuse. The guy alone is responsible for every day of marriage that is less than marvelous and meaningful. Garrison Keillor stress teacher meaningful Have interesting failures.... If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don't wait until midlife, when it will take longer to resolve.... Don't pity yourselves. Lighten up. Seek people with a sense of humor. Avoid humorless people-and do not marry one, for God's sake. Garrison Keillor waiting people interesting Marriage, friends, is a lifelong feast; love is no light lunch. Garrison Keillor marriage light love-is A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people. Garrison Keillor lazy-people funny travel Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball. Garrison Keillor balls strong men As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately. Garrison Keillor dating romance kissing When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many. Garrison Keillor exercise may memories I want to resume the life of a shy person. Garrison Keillor resumes shy want I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved. Garrison Keillor break taken rain If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. Garrison Keillor fun inspirational needs Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly. Garrison Keillor republican government hands This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying. Here on the frozen tundra of Minnesota, if your neighbor's car won't start, you put on your parka and get the jumper cables out and deliver the Sacred Spark that starts their car. Everybody knows this. The logical extension of this spirit is social welfare and the myriad government programs with long dry names all very uninteresting to you until you suddenly need one. Garrison Keillor names lying past Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. Garrison Keillor giving-up easy giving An interesting thing about New York City is that the subways run through the sewers. Garrison Keillor cities new-york running Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have. Garrison Keillor giving-up good-luck lying
