A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law." Bill Bailey More Quotes by Bill Bailey More Quotes From Bill Bailey Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it Bill Bailey marijuana clubs fashion Nostalgia: How long's that been around? Bill Bailey humor funny long This shed does not contain me. Bill Bailey humor doe funny Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate. Bill Bailey gigs lasts earning It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still. Bill Bailey humor animal funny I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning. Bill Bailey holiday morning son What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp. Bill Bailey humor funny long American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it. Bill Bailey rocks humor funny If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive. Bill Bailey easier enough thinking So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all! Bill Bailey beautiful-things beautiful How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight! Bill Bailey eight humor funny I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine Bill Bailey magazines humor funny Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?" Bill Bailey humor mother funny I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me. Bill Bailey bottles stuff bird I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.' Bill Bailey dad humor funny I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game. Bill Bailey running funny country There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours. Bill Bailey couple humor funny The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. Bill Bailey alive humor funny I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion! Bill Bailey woods humor funny At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills. Bill Bailey college jobs thinking
