A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that. Joan Rivers horse two believe Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all. Joan Rivers fashion water people A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again. Joan Rivers dog two years When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby. Joan Rivers husband should-have baby Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone. Joan Rivers okay comedy gone My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. Joan Rivers love-life missing memorable I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'. Joan Rivers buttons husband night A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: "Run your own race, put on your blinders." Joan Rivers vegas race running I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids. Joan Rivers husband memorable sex On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell. Joan Rivers diets white laughing Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones. Joan Rivers divorce insightful breakup You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it. Joan Rivers sexy fashion memorable My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. Joan Rivers humorous mother children Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top. Joan Rivers swimming memorable art Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. Joan Rivers hillarious mayonnaise aspirin She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven. Joan Rivers stupid war funny It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up. Joan Rivers love funny long If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly. Joan Rivers ugly gay military Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. Joan Rivers tailored-suits clothes fashion I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout. Joan Rivers husband humor funny
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