A small waist makes you tire easily. Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates. Erma Bombeck family dying death God created man, but I could do better. Erma Bombeck work men If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary. Erma Bombeck awards stupid funny Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. Erma Bombeck two-year-olds shopping years I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. Erma Bombeck cosmetics literature europe Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. Erma Bombeck mom mother white ... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting. Erma Bombeck fighting kids children I used everything you gave me. Erma Bombeck meaning-of-life inspirational-life inspirational No One Diets on Thanksgiving. Erma Bombeck funny-thanksgiving diets I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping it in a can in the car while I served the first one. I noted some women tucked the second ball just inside the elastic leg of their tennis panties. I tried, but found the space already occupied by a leg. Now, I simply drop the second ball down my cleavage, giving me a chest that often stuns my opponent throughout an entire set. Erma Bombeck small-hands space self If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago. Erma Bombeck cooking compliment years I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal. Erma Bombeck tables jars littles The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah. Erma Bombeck taken sleep funny You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home. Erma Bombeck home kids children Do I have to use my own money? Erma Bombeck my-own use Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not. Erma Bombeck poached-eggs eggs animal I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it. Erma Bombeck hate dog book With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. Erma Bombeck hurricanes path boys The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. Erma Bombeck psychopathic liars kids My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!' Erma Bombeck hair food son
