A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot. Demetri Martin More Quotes by Demetri Martin More Quotes From Demetri Martin Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving. Demetri Martin games hot people Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time. Demetri Martin futons wonderful world Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that. Demetri Martin cleaning sponges mind I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old. Demetri Martin comedy fans years I never set out to do a sketch show. Demetri Martin shows I love Steven Wright. Demetri Martin I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem. Demetri Martin drawing trying thinking I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things. Demetri Martin tough-times care thinking I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me. Demetri Martin track important knows Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting. Demetri Martin parades traffic men If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit. Demetri Martin starting credibility wise Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave. Demetri Martin never-forget caves thinking I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie. Demetri Martin movie acting fun Love is, and I hope it never isn't. Demetri Martin love-is I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine. Demetri Martin sunglasses dark looks Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints. Demetri Martin tics mint tic-tacs People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy. Demetri Martin squirrels im-sorry people Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. Demetri Martin humor laughing funny I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. Demetri Martin rope velvet television I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment. Demetri Martin turns crime want
