A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other hand, men spend half their income on the wives when the wife finds out about the mistress. So it all balances out. Jay Leno More Quotes by Jay Leno More Quotes From Jay Leno Did you see Walker's father? 'My son loves America.' Yeah, like O.J. loved his wife. Jay Leno fatheramericason Jesse Jackson's wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with four of his secretaries to decide what to do and that these meetings could run well into the night. Jay Leno wiferunningnight There's this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in '72 and '73 even though his commanding officers are saying he never reported. I think what's even more disturbing is that he received enough credits to graduate from Yale. Jay Leno presidentyalethinking Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride†by donating a painting to this cause. Jay Leno supportcausesyears The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full military support. You know what that means: Both tanks. Jay Leno support-youmilitarymean Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.' Jay Leno majority-leaderstarsyears When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States. Jay Leno united-statespresidentreality The White House is defending President Obama's sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need. Jay Leno whitesportspast The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems for them. Like players could steal a base and then deny it. Jay Leno houstonplayernames A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That's because they are usually dead by age 40. Jay Leno medicalagemen Experts are saying that President Bush's goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don't we just make him the next Democratic presidential nominee? Jay Leno presidentialnextgoal AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote." Jay Leno humorofferingfunny Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling appeared before Congress. Do you think they even bothered swearing him in? Now he is denying he lied to Congress last week. He's saying it was just the liquor talking. Jay Leno laststalkingthinking The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can be when they realize that wives can't be forced to testify against their husbands. Skilling said today she was the best secretary Enron had ever had. She could shred 950 words a minute. ... I guess they are on their honeymoon right now. That's going pretty well. Hey, he's used to screwing Enron employees. Jay Leno wifeguyhusband Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a guy who has had 4 heart attacks than a place with thin air, rugged hiking and all-beef dinners? Why don't they get some snow for him to shovel while he's out there, too? Jay Leno vacationairheart Playboy magazine is now doing a 'Women of Enron' pictorial spread. ... Apparently the only thing these women have left to shred is their dignity. Jay Leno playboymagazinesdignity John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the place where he first proposed to her - at her bank. Jay Leno vacationwifelong Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison. Jay Leno partypeopleyears President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again. Jay Leno presidenttodaypeople Now this really annoys me: All these people getting on the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today his name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute. Jay Leno missingnamespeople
