An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy's fear Stephen Colbert scent enemy I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight? Stephen Colbert fighting responsibility challenges Al Gore has a hit movie called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' I have an inconvenient truth for him: you're still not the president. ... This past weekend, Al Gore's movie, 'An Inconvenient Truth,' earned more per screen than any film in the country. ... I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history. ... Global warming: Can we live with it? ... It is time we did something, namely resign ourselves to doing nothing [on screen: Follow Congress' Lead]. ... For instance, when sea levels rise, we'll just build levees [on screen: Worked for New Orleans] Stephen Colbert weekend country past I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show. Stephen Colbert safety criticism school Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories. Stephen Colbert sequels summer ideas I love making observations. That one is a classic example. Stephen Colbert love-making classic example Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along. Stephen Colbert education graduation inspirational The worst thing about affirmative action is that it encourages reverse discrimination, so-called because it goes in the opposite way of how we naturally discriminate. Stephen Colbert opposites action way Any religion whose messiah’s name isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word can’t be that much of a threat. Stephen Colbert microsoft-word threat names Divorce is marital welfare.It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married. Stephen Colbert bail divorce couple A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust. Stephen Colbert mother home children New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman. Stephen Colbert bed say-anything men I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave. Stephen Colbert powerful rights talking I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely. Stephen Colbert use character two Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem. Stephen Colbert email messages sound Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus. Stephen Colbert pain names jesus I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that. Stephen Colbert wonder love-is believe If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable. Stephen Colbert miserable ifs mean I am no fan of books. Stephen Colbert fans book I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl. Stephen Colbert cake tonight america
