An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars. Stephen Colbert dollars order needs Baby carrots are making me gay. Stephen Colbert ridiculous gay baby What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'? Stephen Colbert horse dad battle It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise. Stephen Colbert mayonnaise hard pride Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay. Stephen Colbert monkeys come-up next Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo! Stephen Colbert scary book thinking When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner. Stephen Colbert excited important matter The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far. Stephen Colbert gone america So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists—they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity. Stephen Colbert media determination heart Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. Stephen Colbert good-life life So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the one and only relevant application of math. Not only that, but we have sports to thank for most of the last century's advances in manliness. The system starts in school, where gym class separates the men from the boys. Then those men are taught to be winners, or at least, losers that hate themselves. Stephen Colbert hate sports kids Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt. Stephen Colbert london-olympics winning funny Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair. Stephen Colbert atheist hair america There must be a God, because I don't know how things work. Stephen Colbert know-how knows Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator? Stephen Colbert fighting stupid jobs Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza; and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian. Stephen Colbert cain issues italian Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse. Stephen Colbert horse black dark As a rule, Germans shouldn't do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu. Stephen Colbert nosferatu lasts office Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem. Stephen Colbert family leadership jobs I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants. Stephen Colbert shoes leadership work
![](https://service.weibo.com/share/share.php?url=https://whatsmyquote.com/quote/think-books-aren-t-scary-well-think-about-this-you-can-t-spell-book-without-boo&appkey=&title=Stephen Colbert quote: Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" with...&pic=https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-6abb9ace7eee88dc70dd45a967ea7e38.jpg&ralateUid=&language=zh_cn){kind=link}
![](https://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=https://whatsmyquote.com/quote/think-books-aren-t-scary-well-think-about-this-you-can-t-spell-book-without-boo&description=Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!&media=https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-6abb9ace7eee88dc70dd45a967ea7e38.jpg){kind=link}
