And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails. David Letterman eight guy gun You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag. David Letterman slumps dinner too-much Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound. David Letterman humor new-york funny I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from." David Letterman shopping christmas running Them bats is smart. They use radar! David Letterman bats smart use So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power. David Letterman caught storm middle-east I wouldn't give my troubles to a monkey on a rock. David Letterman monkeys rocks giving I think I might have a bad psychic advisor. When I asked her to contact the dead, she gave me Keith Richards' phone number. David Letterman psychics phones thinking They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.' David Letterman bills said talking It was so cold in New York City today that the Statue of Liberty had her torch under her dress. David Letterman liberty cities new-york Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything. David Letterman vote mind mean Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large. David Letterman mastermind ceo evil Hillary is in Iowa to listen to what the people are saying - because if you want her to speak, that will cost you $200,000. So she's there listening. David Letterman iowa listening people Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It's the same thing that is happening to Hillary. David Letterman car drinking white The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag David Letterman paris flags lasts The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, 'If this van's rockin', I'm deleting emails.' David Letterman email team people President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either. David Letterman appreciate war thinking Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street. David Letterman trump president running All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life. David Letterman one-thing horrible comedian Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel. David Letterman rats new-york today
