Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning. George Carlin lightdarkmorning You get to play with people's little danger zones. George Carlin playlittlespeople Tits always look better in a pink sweater. George Carlin sweaterslooks I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid. George Carlin smartkidsschool I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt. George Carlin tiredguilthumorous That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people. George Carlin invisible-handhandspeople How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. George Carlin sarcasticgodfunny Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a tradition of the trickster, and the trickster was a clown, a humorous fellow. His task was to trick the gods, to humor the gods into laughing, so that there was access to the divine - because laughter is a moment when we are completely ourselves. George Carlin laughterhumorouslaughing Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while. George Carlin fakedemocracypeople If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." George Carlin humorfunnythinking If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? George Carlin stupidjesusthinking If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off. George Carlin piehonestyamerica Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. George Carlin kidsyearsthinking If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire. George Carlin one-lovefirelove-you We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought. George Carlin landscapelanguagethinking Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help. George Carlin humoroushelpinggiving My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978. George Carlin arteriesbranchessaint On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way. George Carlin maydoorshands E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm. George Carlin grossgenuinefarms The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives. George Carlin phrasespracticemight
