Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener's ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school. Amy Sedaris More Quotes by Amy Sedaris More Quotes From Amy Sedaris Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend. Amy Sedaris women girlfriend real Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. Amy Sedaris losing pet sometimes I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone. Amy Sedaris being-alone opportunity thinking It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires. Amy Sedaris prison-time broken fire I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard. Amy Sedaris shoes feet men Before you can give of yourself to others you must know what of yourself you have to give. Every person is special. In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen. Amy Sedaris land giving two Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking. Amy Sedaris doors relationship thinking My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. Amy Sedaris easter mom god I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt. Amy Sedaris feelings kids thinking Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs. Amy Sedaris baby order thinking I swear I want to be a food model. Amy Sedaris swear models want I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd get your supplies, and then you'd use your imagination. Amy Sedaris hobbies imagination use You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air. Amy Sedaris air character watches Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's room,' which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby's room because it confuses people and it's creepy. Amy Sedaris shoes baby children If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, 'Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening. Amy Sedaris shy persons listening Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were. Amy Sedaris self-esteem wish people My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market. Amy Sedaris fleas favorites-things stories My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice. Amy Sedaris daughter mom mother There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything. Amy Sedaris Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great. Amy Sedaris festivals new-orleans art
