Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse. Chris Rock More Quotes by Chris Rock More Quotes From Chris Rock Babies don't know who's rich and who's poor. You love 'em and they're happy. Chris Rock richemsbaby You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack. Chris Rock checkslibertypay You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face. Chris Rock fakefacesdirectors Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work. Chris Rock mexicanepicfunny I don't need a president with a bucket list! Chris Rock humorpresidentfunny A lot of racism going on in the world right now. Who's more racist? Black people or white people? Black people. You know why? 'Cuz we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people. Chris Rock hateracismwhite If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window. Chris Rock investingbillswindow Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man. Chris Rock mexicanperfectmen Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded? Chris Rock blackpresidentamerica Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up. Chris Rock spicesmarriedcouple Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time. Chris Rock funny-marriagemarriedpeople Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council. Chris Rock humorfunnythinking Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof! Chris Rock zebraswhite-manmen They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come. Chris Rock partywanttuesday Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession. Chris Rock confessionevidencewant Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. Chris Rock humorsportsfunny I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?" Chris Rock writingtryingtwo The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny. Chris Rock writingfuntrying A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House. Chris Rock humorboysfunny Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects! Chris Rock humorfunnyfall
