"Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Woody Allen

Categorized in : Feels Terrible Portions

Eighty percent of success is showing up. by Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

inspiring positive inspirational

If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.

religious god funny

Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. by Woody Allen

Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.

beautiful love funny

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one

depressing mother time

I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stoppe... by Woody Allen

I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.

incompetence fathers-day enthusiasm

There is something about big cities that turns me on, and for whatever mysterious reason, places like New York and Paris inspire me. I think it's because cities represent civilization, and as crime-ridden and broken down as some of them are, it's still better than skipping through a meadow.

new-york civilization thinking

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feeli... by Woody Allen

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.

no-respect feelings men

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and fini... by Woody Allen

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

backwards next want

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth f... by Woody Allen

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.

teeth maturity age

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I w... by Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

humor night funny

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choos... by Woody Allen

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

funny-inspirational witty inspiring

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. by Woody Allen

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

confidence witty funny

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad.... by Woody Allen

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

humorous witty cute

Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

unhappy suffering movie-love

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mental... by Woody Allen

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

witty teacher funny

I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.

drunk littles thinking

How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yea... by Woody Allen

How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?

immature yeah way

Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know? by Woody Allen

Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing. by Woody Allen

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

humorous god funny