But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything. Artie Lange More Quotes by Artie Lange More Quotes From Artie Lange I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs. Artie Lange resilient right-now missing I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is. Artie Lange voice college thinking The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off. Artie Lange heroin reason kids Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Artie Lange comedian happens people When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life. Artie Lange time-of-my-life black Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot. Artie Lange insulting sound want I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem. Artie Lange gambling dresses years It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world Artie Lange boss guy world I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust Artie Lange yankees dust angel I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself. Artie Lange paris way fall Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting. Artie Lange voting I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000. Artie Lange yankees drinking years You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse. Artie Lange girl two father If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row. Artie Lange black months two Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose. Artie Lange drug guy drinking In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party. Artie Lange party birthday retirement Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me. Artie Lange nutty style influence Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine. Artie Lange fine vegas kind Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing. Artie Lange jason doing-nothing actors I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine. Artie Lange mad careers two
