By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1. Dennis Miller More Quotes by Dennis Miller More Quotes From Dennis Miller There's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have a biodegradability horizon line of, like, 40,000 years. Dennis Miller environmental horizon years How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching. Dennis Miller stupidity god two Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie. Dennis Miller cat humor funny Sometimes you just have the thin the herd. Dennis Miller death-penalty herds sometimes Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. Dennis Miller humor light funny The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel. Dennis Miller tunnels reading wind It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he ends up there. Gary Condit make sense to me. He's away from his family, he's in D.C. - if he was a car dealer in the [San Fernando] Valley somewhere out there, he'd be the guy who was trying to get laid by offering you the free undercoating package. Dennis Miller guitar party offering The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night. Dennis Miller knees football night Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks. Dennis Miller espresso football night What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy. Dennis Miller guilt humor funny I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party. Dennis Miller dignity party country The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler. Dennis Miller mustache guy people Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh? Dennis Miller death-penalty timing abortion The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens. Dennis Miller united-states white house Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. Dennis Miller politics dream journal Seems to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it...It's a simple fact they've always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends and are almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to wishes of their enemies. And if they want to get their hands dirty now they're just gonna have to run 'em through their own hair. Dennis Miller running dirty moving Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. Dennis Miller etch-a-sketch hollywood funny If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago. Dennis Miller ice done long Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber. Dennis Miller trying teacher years With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table. Dennis Miller dad dog football
