Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. Dave Barry More Quotes by Dave Barry More Quotes From Dave Barry People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. Dave Barry religious views people If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. Dave Barry atheist humanity religion The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything. Dave Barry men long years There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them. Dave Barry sunshine inspiring two As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons. Dave Barry space religious practice The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. Dave Barry birthday inspirational believe If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' Dave Barry life-and-love humor business A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all. Dave Barry humorous new-york funny Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities. Dave Barry colorado emergencies years Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. Dave Barry car dog animal The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. Dave Barry winter football sports Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. Dave Barry humor sports funny It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. Dave Barry rain opportunity travel I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up. Dave Barry music hate funny Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry drinking fun book The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses. Dave Barry cake glasses humorous Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages Dave Barry inspirational-life learning travel You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that! Dave Barry intelligence dog giving In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!" Dave Barry christmas atheist christian You should not confuse your career with your life. Dave Barry careers farewell work
