Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods. George Carlin emotionalhypocrisycomfort Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big. George Carlin humorinspirationalthinking A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt George Carlin safetygunhome The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election George Carlin bullshitvotinggiving If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin airplanefunnytravel If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? George Carlin clergymenlawyermusician If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that George Carlin garbage-cansguybody Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. George Carlin humorfunnymean There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now... the real owners. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. George Carlin realeducationcountry If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable? George Carlin paintingfoolexperts Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin roof-over-your-headlaughterfunny Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death. George Carlin sacredheycauses Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. George Carlin skymenbelieve The future will soon be a thing of the past. George Carlin stupid-peoplestupidpast Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it. George Carlin scientistapathytoday That's really a part of my nature , it goes along with autonomy and independence of action - it's just that I don't identify with the local group, no matter what it is, whether it's the human species or the American democracy, the nation, the country, religions, political parties, nothing. None of these have my allegiance because I'm not really concerned with what they do. I don't feel a part of any of this. George Carlin politicalpartycountry I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. George Carlin differencesmirrorsfunny People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life. George Carlin gonesleeppeople Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear. George Carlin taughtshouldchildren
