Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. Chris Rock More Quotes by Chris Rock More Quotes From Chris Rock You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack. Chris Rock checks liberty pay You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face. Chris Rock fake faces directors Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work. Chris Rock mexican epic funny I don't need a president with a bucket list! Chris Rock humor president funny A lot of racism going on in the world right now. Who's more racist? Black people or white people? Black people. You know why? 'Cuz we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people. Chris Rock hate racism white If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window. Chris Rock investing bills window Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man. Chris Rock mexican perfect men Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded? Chris Rock black president america Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up. Chris Rock spices married couple Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time. Chris Rock funny-marriage married people Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council. Chris Rock humor funny thinking Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof! Chris Rock zebras white-man men They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come. Chris Rock party want tuesday Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession. Chris Rock confession evidence want Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. Chris Rock humor sports funny I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?" Chris Rock writing trying two The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny. Chris Rock writing fun trying A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House. Chris Rock humor boys funny Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects! Chris Rock humor funny fall I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that. Chris Rock change men thinking
