Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him. P. G. Wodehouse More Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse More Quotes From P. G. Wodehouse I always advise people never to give advice. P. G. Wodehouse humorousinspirationalpeople As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. P. G. Wodehouse realgivingpeople There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature. P. G. Wodehouse readingbeautifulfriendship Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening. P. G. Wodehouse fatteningillegalfun A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle. P. G. Wodehouse melancholydepressionmen Always get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start. P. G. Wodehouse slabsspeedbigs Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through. P. G. Wodehouse sobermotto Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred. P. G. Wodehouse poorsoupmind An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away. P. G. Wodehouse doctorshumorfunny I always strive, when I can, to spread sweetness and light. There have been several complaints about it. P. G. Wodehouse sweetnessstrivelight The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. P. G. Wodehouse humoroussportsdeath There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'" "The mood will pass, sir. P. G. Wodehouse jeevesmomentsmatter It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't. P. G. Wodehouse huntinghumorousideas The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number. P. G. Wodehouse wrong-numbervoicehumorous Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thousand little codfish, cheerfully resolves to love them all, the British aristocracy is apt to look with a somewhat jaundiced eye on its younger sons. P. G. Wodehouse parenteyeson One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth. P. G. Wodehouse telling-the-truthmomentslife-is As Shakespeare says, if you're going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over. P. G. Wodehouse wellspopsmight One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation. P. G. Wodehouse agenamesmind It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it. P. G. Wodehouse irondemandcircumstances A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour. P. G. Wodehouse humorousdarklife
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