Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining. Jerry Seinfeld More Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld More Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. Jerry Seinfeld trappedaudiencetheater Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat. Jerry Seinfeld tvsbaseballgames When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry. Jerry Seinfeld maturitychildrenyears Ever noticed that no matter what happens in one day, it exactly fits in the newspaper? Jerry Seinfeld fitone-daymatter When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard. Jerry Seinfeld listeningpeopleneeds Why would anybody want a friend? Jerry Seinfeld funny-friendwant There is nothing more rewarding than completing a goal you have set for yourself. Jerry Seinfeld completinggoallife I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team. Jerry Seinfeld teamlaughingtwo If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach? Jerry Seinfeld airlinedevicesbeach Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? Jerry Seinfeld tv-showsradiophones Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall? Jerry Seinfeld bathroomparksspace If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved. Jerry Seinfeld would-bepeoplelooks I love being a dad. I just love it. Jerry Seinfeld being-a-daddadlove-is I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there. Jerry Seinfeld hotel-lobbywatchespeople The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning. Jerry Seinfeld readingfunnybook There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations. Jerry Seinfeld shallowobviousmore-to-life Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. Jerry Seinfeld massageice-creamfunny I love energy. I love it. And I pursue it, and I want more of it. Physical and mental energy, to me, are the greatest riches of human life. And TM is like a free account of an endless amount of it. Jerry Seinfeld richesenergywant If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. Jerry Seinfeld instinctifsopposites We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on. Jerry Seinfeld what-matterslightislands
