Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison. Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant? Dana Gould redundant ifs That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again. Dana Gould circles doe trying Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be. Dana Gould vigilance eternal mines One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping. Dana Gould kicking jumping long Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it? Dana Gould garbage good-will want Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family. Dana Gould nice baby jobs If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother. Dana Gould fake giants brother Why do old people drive with their mouths open? Dana Gould old-people mouths people There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store. Dana Gould xmas vintage light Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description. Dana Gould crime use littles Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face. Dana Gould romney faces sex I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire. Dana Gould creepy fire mean A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse. Dana Gould florida giants python I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy. Dana Gould forrest-gump comedy My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good. Dana Gould mics fantastic firsts To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash. Dana Gould car radio listening You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail. Dana Gould ponytails lectures guy The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come. Dana Gould circus waiting running We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes. Dana Gould live-your-life pain past They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino. Dana Gould rhinos cat animal
