Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something. Erma Bombeck typewriters writing long What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give. Erma Bombeck laughter giving people People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal. Erma Bombeck doctors humorous funny Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. Erma Bombeck forgiveness acting kids Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water. Erma Bombeck mother boys kids Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket. Erma Bombeck independence losing children For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us. Erma Bombeck vacation husband kids I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode. Erma Bombeck strong running two Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer. Erma Bombeck jersey food sex the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in. Erma Bombeck fruit holiday cake The term 'working mother' is redundant. Erma Bombeck redundant term mother Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna. Erma Bombeck differences mother fame Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. Erma Bombeck pastime gossip baseball When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others. Erma Bombeck orthodox There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas. Erma Bombeck christmas morning children I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer. Erma Bombeck doctors men thinking I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors. Erma Bombeck rags mother children A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room. Erma Bombeck fitting body rooms Laugh now, cry later. Erma Bombeck cry laughter laughing The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns. Erma Bombeck humorous funny country
