Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. Phyllis Diller More Quotes by Phyllis Diller More Quotes From Phyllis Diller Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway. Phyllis Diller policemenpoliceremember Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards. Phyllis Diller get-wellslothfunny When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests. Phyllis Diller slothbeautifulfunny I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it. Phyllis Diller tattooedshipswanted I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight. Phyllis Diller fightingparentwar When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. Phyllis Diller tidesinspirationalbeach If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm. Phyllis Diller alarmswould-bedresses My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking. Phyllis Diller eightsmokingyears I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Phyllis Diller boyfriendmilessex If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. Phyllis Diller baseballmemorableinspirational Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one. Phyllis Diller lawmotherdream My father used to call me the laughing hyena. Phyllis Diller hyenaslaughingfather Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it. Phyllis Diller facetsmedievalideas I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death. Phyllis Diller lawmotherwatches They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought. Phyllis Diller californiansmudfire I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip. Phyllis Diller cocktailsagethinking How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher. Phyllis Diller wellsmarkgrowing-up Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it. Phyllis Diller witchcraftresultsbelieve Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days. Phyllis Diller slothgivingfunny I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed." Phyllis Diller slothskillsfunny
