Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man. Aziz Ansari More Quotes by Aziz Ansari More Quotes From Aziz Ansari You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'. Aziz Ansari concerts feminist should Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday. Aziz Ansari yesterday may past The problem is there's a new group. I'm talking about this tiny slice of people that have gotten way too fired up about the Trump thing for the wrong reasons. I'm talking about these people that as soon as Trump won, they're like, we don't have to pretend like we're not racist anymore. We don't have to pretend anymore. We can be racist again. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no. If you're one of these people, please go back to pretending. Aziz Ansari racist problem people If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights. Aziz Ansari men mean believe Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation. Aziz Ansari innovation example people If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it. Aziz Ansari would-be jobs interesting Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life. Aziz Ansari married baby ideas I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat. Aziz Ansari one-day exercise thinking What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster! Aziz Ansari cheese what-if order It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way. Aziz Ansari frustration fun laughing I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it. Aziz Ansari mics hell night Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever. Aziz Ansari schedules games people For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid. Aziz Ansari majority white kids Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet. Aziz Ansari carpet shoes red Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true. Aziz Ansari drunk dream funny I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. Aziz Ansari obsessed kind Everyone just did what their parents did. So that immediately made me skeptical of the whole religion thing, even as a kid. So I never was really into religion as a concept. Aziz Ansari skeptical parent kids The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.' Aziz Ansari english-language four language At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit. Aziz Ansari risk successful men You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. Aziz Ansari cereal cake breakfast
