France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level rises? I've got beachfront property. You tell us up there, "By the end of the century, New York City could be underwater," and we say, "Your point is?" P. J. O'Rourke cities new-york feet Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. P. J. O'Rourke long-walks golf two Government subsidies can be critically analyzed according to a simple principle: You are smarter than the government, so when the government pays you to do something you wouldn't do on your own, it is almost always paying you to do something stupid. P. J. O'Rourke government simple stupid Hunter S. Thompson brings a lunatic genius to ordinary events, and I bring an ordinary sensibility to lunatic events. P. J. O'Rourke hunters events ordinary The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that." P. J. O'Rourke party humorous funny Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty. P. J. O'Rourke perdition poverty people Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. P. J. O'Rourke freedom dog people Remember that all tax revenue is the result of holding a gun to somebody's head. Not paying taxes is against the law. If you don't pay your taxes, you'll be fined. If you don't pay the fine, you'll be jailed. If you try to escape from jail, you'll be shot. ... Therefore, every time the government spends money on anything, you have to ask yourself, 'Would I kill my kindly, gray-haired mother for this?' P. J. O'Rourke gun law mother The collegiate idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it. P. J. O'Rourke earth-day college fun It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. P. J. O'Rourke ireland-and-the-irish money funny Now majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But like other precious, sacred things .... it's not only worth dying for; it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. P. J. O'Rourke majority-rule cynical democracy The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinking of sewage and trash. But there are worse parts - squatter areas where people live under cardboard, in shipping crates, behind tacked-up newspapers. Dad would march you straight to the basement with a hairbrush in his hand if he caught you keeping your hamster cage like this. P. J. O'Rourke dad real hands You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke. P. J. O'Rourke vaccines rich may Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. P. J. O'Rourke mom mother children There's a lot of debate on this subject - about what kind of car handles best. Some say a a front-engined car, some say a rear-engined car. I say a rented car. Nothing handles better than a rented car. You can go faster, turn corners sharper, and put the transmission into reverse while going forward at a higher rate of speed in a rented car than in any other kind. P. J. O'Rourke debate car kind So what if I don't agree with the Democrats? What's to disagree with? They believe everything. And what they don't believe, the Republicans do. Neither of them stands for anything they believe in, anyway. P. J. O'Rourke political party believe Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards. P. J. O'Rourke old-glory humorous funny If we want the whole world to be rich, we need to start loving wealth. In the difference between poverty and plenty, the problem is the pverty, not the difference. Wealth is good. P. J. O'Rourke differences world needs There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives. P. J. O'Rourke men way world To mistrust science and deny the validity of the scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal. P. J. O'Rourke humor animal jobs
