Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to you. Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused. Erma Bombeck humorous names funny I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too. Erma Bombeck college sorry cute Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body. Erma Bombeck insecure cat self-esteem Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced. Erma Bombeck dog mother funny I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out. Erma Bombeck careers men philosophy One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies. Erma Bombeck humor loss funny A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up. Erma Bombeck zippers grandparent growing-up I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there. Erma Bombeck giving men war A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect. Erma Bombeck aging grandparent age I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell. Erma Bombeck paid night travel If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? Erma Bombeck cherries pits life-is There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot. Erma Bombeck feet running son There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green. Erma Bombeck light blow children For some unexplained reason, it's always the other end of the table that's wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays 'Holiday for Strings' on water glasses. Erma Bombeck holiday laughter play Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles. Erma Bombeck ifs-and half feet I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill. Erma Bombeck hills waiting sports As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. Erma Bombeck creativity creative school Many people are intimidated by doctors. ... People also feel stupid when they don't understand what a doctor's talking about the first time around, so they don't ask again. And let's be honest here, people. English is not a doctor's first language. Erma Bombeck doctors stupid talking I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service. Erma Bombeck room-service cooking beautiful When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys. Erma Bombeck car keys children
